Arriving at our site on Saturday afternoon, it almost seemed like we were an organized, respectable group! There were bikes and safety gear for biking everywhere. And the big surprise was that there were C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N present. Biking must be more popular than running, because there were a whole lot of people there BEFORE the designated/suggested meeting time. This NEVER occurs at a regular Hash.
PMS gave the obligatory chalk talk for the bike part of trail. Although her talk made sense, we soon found out it didn't actually apply to trail. Two trails, a 14 miler and a 7 miler. The cyclists were off! Flossit, after everyone takes off, only then realized that she needs something or other adjusted on her bike. Gotta love her. Duzzy Cum and Postage Tramp came to her rescue and she too was off. Duzzy had spent the morning getting his bike in riding condition, only to get to the park and find out that his recently filled tire had already gone flat again. It seems that several Hashers had waited til that morning to get their bikes out and see what kind of condition they were in. Pulls Out Early was seen pulling the MS150 tag off of his!
Flossit, all red faced was seen in the lead of the Turkey bikers (and that was after starting late)!!! Pussy Fart and Fartfignugen have to receive the parents of the Hash award, for riding at a snails pace to stay with their youngest son, Teddy. Although, Fart could be heard cursing every few yards or so! Maybe the award needs to go to just P-fart! Teddy also receives the award for Mr. Congeniality for inviting Toxic Shock to come play with him in the stream. Anthrax Tampax screaming at him not to go to far, while the Farts, telling their boys to keep going (wait, maybe they aren't the good parents we thought they were!). Teddy also entertained Postage and Pornogenic on the car ride back to the park. It was nice that Nick and Toxic Shock hit it off and rode the bike trail together!
From the long trail, Anthrax and Pulls Out showed up at the ice cream stop in record time. I was impressed with Anthrax's speedy arrival, what a gal! Soon the others trickled in and enjoyed beer, ice cream, slushies, and tequila, mmm, mmm, mmm! Wait, there were Hashers lost on trail. Where were Blows like a Freight Train and Just Jeri? No one seemed that worried, they probably just stopped for a quick one - - beer that is! I take that back, Postage was worried about them, so set out looking for them by driving the trail backwards. Whoa, PMS is wearing off on him, he got lost, looking for the lost people!!! Don't worry, PMS still is the reigning queen of being directionally challenged, just stay tuned...At the end of the bike trail, Dead Squirrel proclaimed that we ought to be riding more bikes and doing less running!
Eventually, everyone made it back to the park, just in time to hear Duzzy blow his whistle and get everyone ready for the run. He explained, that this is what a GM is supposed to do. Most of the Hashers, smiled and nodded their heads and said, "oh, we were wondering what a GM was suppose to do".
We gave Postage about 15 minutes and then we were off. Once again, the GM led the way and made sure that whistles and "on ons" were heard abundantly. PMS was doing her duty by sweeping and insisting she couldn't tell us slow pokes which way true trail was (I think she really meant that-she would have told us, if she could have figured it out herself). I take that back, she later did tell Duzzy and FeFe, while on the Eagle trail, which way to go. Unfortunately, it was the WRONG way. They followed this several miles, until they just returned to the park and beer (smart boys!). The Turkey trailers took off and virgin Just Jill # 1 proved that she was quite the runner! She, followed by Just Skye and Just Brian found the BN, but just kept running past the BS. Pornogenic, being the ever thoughtful person that she is, waited until she could be declared FRB, before she called the others back to Postage's house. She did make up for this shameless display, by breaking into Postage's house and retrieving the beer. Postage, was even grateful to her, because she left the Amberback behind and got the crappy beer instead. But to hot, sweaty runners, even the crappy beer was mighty good!
A handful of Hashers sat around the backyard, til the hare made it home. Then we watched some real hares frolicking in the yard, jumping three feet straight in the air, while the other bunny darted underneath him. It was one of those moments, that you wish someone else could see, cause they just wouldn't believe it. And do you believe it, five of us actually did see it and were all amazed! Several calls were made back to Mudpacker at the park to see who was there and who was still lost on trail. Eat a Bloody Bitch and Pulls Out showed up, but they were the only Eaglers who made it. Just Rachel and Just Hannah our innocent/not so innocent 14 year olds (sister of Whitty Titty Carrot Committee and her friend), showed up and told us that they had been called "whores" while trying to get to the beer stop. We were all jealous! Finally, the hare was off. Those of us that stayed behind, snuck into the house and ate bunches of the barbeque that was ear marked for that evening and then we defiled the rest of it. Ok, I'm only kidding, but don't think we didn't discuss this possibility!
We were off. The trail led us to a tunnel under the railroad tracks. The whores and Eatta, decided that it would be easier to wait for the train and go over instead of under the tracks. If it would have just been Eatta's decision, we probably would have ignored it, but the 14 year old girls should be able to make a smart choice, right!?! So finally, up we go and over the hill. There wasn't an easy way down the other side. Pornogenic almost slid all the way off the trestle and into the shallow waters below. P-Fart and Just Jill # 1 made it to the bottom and having already forged a friendship with their interest in running, took off and left the rest of us to squander for ourselves. PMS, selfless as ever, took the vertigo suffering Numb Bunz, back up the hill and down, BACK to the tunnel. We could see them from our side, but it took them about 15 minutes to get through. Just Skye, needs to be commended also, because he went in and soothingly coaxed Numb Bunz into the light. Postage later told us that the water in that tunnel was up to his waste. PMS and NB made it out completely dry! Off the stragglers went and ended up DFLs.
(PMS note: Kudo's to virgin Just Skye for going into the tunnel to help with Numb Buns)
Circle was held and the keg ran out half way through! Since Jesus Krist refused to perform another miracle, citing that it was only wine he could make from water, PC Porn and PMS came to the rescue, by running out for another. Several crimes were paid for, but the best part of circle was the namings. We named five people in less time than it usually takes us to name one person! The following people were named and shall henceforth be referred to as:
Just Mark: Necrofeelyass
Just Jeri: Mother Mary Nipple
Just Brian: Cross Dressing Guard
Just Teddy: Sneaky Fart
Just Nick: Skid Mark
Congratulations to one and all and also to the impromptu name callings in the circle that resulted in such fabulous results (its amazing what a bunch of drunks can come up with).
The whores and Witty also did a great little cheer for us. It's a shame they just didn't have that little uniform on! Dancing Queen longingly looked on, wondering if he really was perverted, if she was his wife's little sister. The answer was unanimously "yes, that's why we love you"!!! It was nice that Lock Nut Monster made his biannual appearance at this special event (ok, we'll cut him some slack, he had been deployed since we last saw him)! Meta showed up only to hock Hash stuff and get naked! It was also good to see Iron Lung out and about, feeling a little better. But her and FeFe need to teach Just Mike a thing or two and tell him not to wear blue jeans, if he is actually gonna run trail-teenagers!!! Queen of the Pussies and Anthrax have their watches synchronized perfectly. Just as he pulled into the park, she and Toxic Shock were pulling out. It's always good to see the over-educated at a Hash. Now that Queenie has his Master's, I'm sure he'll continue to talk down to us.
We also had other guests that we want to recognize and hope come back. Flossit brought Just Elaine and she brought her boyfriend, Just (Mike?). Just Jill #2 showed up as Duzzy's guest. Just Elaine and Just Jill-two hot redheads!!! Just Skye and Just Jill #1 found us by the Web page.
Beer and barbeque, whores and hashers, Pornogenic's foul mouth and children, they all go together like peanut butter and jelly! We drank into the night, the crowd dwindling down. Finally we were off to the hot tub and the after midnight trail. Heals over Head, After the Spanking Comes the Two Headed Dildo, 76 skin flutes (I love that name), Disco Balls, and Shoeless Hoe partied into the night....All in all, just another shitty Hash!!!
Name withheld to protect the innocent (ok, even I had to laugh at that!!!)