Dick Smoker (aka Dicksmith) and St. Auggie's Boy showed up in time to set a mighty fine trail. I for one, was very excited to see both of them in one place, because although I've been hashing for nearly a year, had never seen them at the same hash at the same time. I was fairly convinced that they were one and the same person! And then throw the whole Dick Smoker/Dicksmith smoke and mirrors game into the mix, well you might guess that I get pretty confused. Not to mention what happens when you throw in one part beer and two parts egg nog, which is precisely what happened on this fine winter's evening.
Any hoo….this was a pub crawl and that's just what I intended to do. However, the first beer stop was so close and I needed to get that nasty taste of egg nog out of my throat (ya, if you all believe that was egg nog in my throat, I got some property for sale!!!). So there we were across the street from Turtle Park at Pat's or Mike's or Sean's or some other good Irish sounding named bar. And the beer tasted mighty fine and the warmth felt mighty good (and that was just Meta's hands!!!).
Off we trotted to a fairly close second beer stop. Now I base the "fairly close" standard on the fact that I could run from one stop to the other, so let's say, it was maybe half a block away. And since we were in Dog Town, we're at another Irish pub. Seamus (not pronounced as it is spelled-like silly me thought, but rather pronounced shamus for you unIrish type folks) McDaniels. The beer here also was very very good, and Headcheese made a fine meal out of the oyster crackers left on the table (I think he could fill in for Butt Sucker, when he's not around).
Off we go round and round and somehow Witty and I came up with a Big Hump mantra: The Big Hump, the Big Hump, where the women are easy and the men are hard……to get! Ok, I didn't say it was a good mantra, I just said we came up with one. And at the time it seemed appropriate and good.
It seems that distance between beer stops got longer, after all we did come up with an 18 word song between the second and third beer stops AND I believe Norman and I solved several of the world problems! The third beer stop was another popular Irish hang out, Talayna's. That Irish mafia has really gotten out of control! Even in that cheesy environment, with the waterfall (leaky roof) and all, the beer still was mighty, mighty good.
The next beer stop found us back at the first beer stop, however, we did procure a sign along the way that read, "will have sex for beer" or maybe it was "will have beer for sex". I can't really remember, but by this time, it was difficult for me to remember my name. Somewhere in here the runners took off, then the walkers, then those of us left at the bar got a call to say, stay where we were and get a ride to the next stop. Oh, it's good to be fat, lazy, and drunk! So off we ride to the circle-OUTSIDE-gosh dangitt!!!
I remember little if any of circle (oops sorry)! The on after was at some bar that was close to there. I believe food was served, but I forgot to eat. I do know that Shiggy Stomper rubbed my neck and shoulders which would have been the high light of my night, if it weren't for Leather Balls ripping the feet out of my panty hose and proceeding to suck my toes. Oh it's good to be fat, lazy, and drunk!
All in all, it was just another shitty hash!!!
P. S. I was wearing my Christmas present that I received at the Dirty Santa gift exchange. I teased Meta about not wearing his. But rumor has it, that PMS was sporting hers!!!
Directions from I-64 (aka. Hwy 40) and I-270: Take I-64 to the Oakland Ave Exit (Exit 34A). Take Oakland to Tamm Ave. Turtle Park will be on your left.
Directions from Illinois: Who cares..... Seriously. Take I-64 to Hampton Ave South. Turn right on Oakland. Follow Oakland to Turtle Park, which will be on your right.
This is a pub crawl with many many opportunities to be jolly. Please bring extra cash on trail.
Call St. Auggie's Boy 314-517-4383 or call PMS at 314-221-5411 if you get lost or need better directions.