Some asshole (not THE Asshole Whisperer) thought it would be funny to make Whistle While You Poop hare her first trail during her busiest month of the year. So, join her as she sets a trail through her hood – the Maple-hood – with the help of Postage Tramp and Teal Train.

What to expect: A runner/walker split, urban shiggy, a few unavoidable hills (I tried my best), pussy, and of course, beer. What to bring: cranium light, whistle, virgins, yo bad self

On After: Colombos or McLain’s – whichever kitchen is open later