On the second to last day on which the temps are acceptable for fair-weather hashers, a very robust pack of ne'er-do-wells gathered at the location of an ancient Anasazi adobe bowling alley. The occasion was the birthday trail of two of our finest, nay oldest hashers, Fake Bake and Copped and Fing- Ice Princess. They also chose to complicate the occasion even more, by inviting those in attendance to don their skankiest onesies. And there was much friction.
The slow trickle of latecomers in progress, Quarter Pound Me took to the top of the stout coolers and started the proceedings. In addition to the invasion of CoMo hashers, there were 7! virgins in attendance: Just Karen, Just Gus, Just Breck, Just Gayle, Just Fredo, Just J'Antoine, Just Jürgen. Fake Bake soon took to mansplaining marks, ignoring the perfectly good directionals laid down by his cohare, opting for versions of his own.
After a grope shot by Betty Cocker using the patented Beaver Chaser filter and 10 minutes of furious beer pounding, the pack was away, with the Wimps and Rambos being immediately split. The Rambos headed south on Tesson Ferry and were greeted by a chick check, which Just the Tick gracioulsy opened up for the FRBs. We were then thrust rudely and ever so deeply into the heart of Lindbergh Flyers country, scaring neighbors and interrupting the late afternoon suburban calm. As we made our way back to Lindbergh, Ovary and Claim pulled up the rear, sweating in their heavy wool onesies and shedding undergarments in a very non-sexual manner. Bastards.
Across Linbergh Boulevard we went, under the watchful eye of the Lindbergh High resource officer. We skirted around campus, back into another neighborhood where a MH was encountered? Murder Halt? Mudbutt Halt? Masturbation Halt? We made our way down the list of the obvious, finally settling on Mmmmosa Halt. A sweaty concoction of orange liquid tainted with cheap gas station Brut was consumed with a fury. With a few more winding turns, the Rambos made their way to the Ronnies Cinema parking lot and met the Wimps at the Beer Stop. Birthday cake flavored vodka was dispensed, and the author contemplated the black magic required to make otherwise innocent vodka taste like a fecking birthday cake. Alas, I was blinded with Science!
A short skip back to A commenced. The mass exodus of buzzed, onesie clad hashers interrupted the South Countians late Saturdayafternoon rush to the vape shops and Lion's Choice. As I had other business to attend to, I removed myself from the end circle, where I am certain chaos ensued, Quarter Pound Me trying in vain to keep order. Jokes were spewed, Natty Daddy's were swilled reluctantly, a wayward teat may have been shown, and a bare posterior or four peeked out from behind the zipper of the aforementioned onesies. We shan't see the kind of numbers we saw on Saturday for about four more months. Into hibernation with the lot of you. May your onsesie provide warmth and spiritual renewal. We shall emerge from this long dark winter of discontnent one day next year, perhaps I'll be waiting for you there with a beverage still left over from World Peace Through Beer.Yours in Christ,
This damned cold weather looks like it’s here to stay… so let’s run a trail in our onesies and we'll also celebrate some birthdays! (Fake Bake’s birthday IS Sat. 11/9, and IP’s was last week.)
Normal trail… pavement, shiggy, beer, Walker option, beer, maybe some birthday surprises, more beer.
Fake Bake Fuck & Ice Princess
Parking Lot behind Concord Bowl
11801 Tesson Ferry Rd, St. Louis, MO 63128
Hessler's Pub & Grill
11804 Tesson Ferry Rd, St. Louis, MO 63128
6 For The Price of 5 Buckets! $18: Bud, Bud Light, Busch, Select 55 Buckets. $21 Michelob Ultra Buckets.