Slip n slide on the ILL side
Over the river and through the shig, to the Illinois side we go. We followed our fearless leader COCKodile Undie on his second Big Hump haring! This was the “redemption” trail. I used quotes for a reason. What time do we circle up? Is it six? Is it half past six? No one knows. Where’s the second hare? Is she still in Indy? I thought this was a nomad trial. Just Ian came on time, thanks to the internet.
For starters, Team Humping Strap-On got stuck at the traffic light on the bridge. Cue the banjos. Circle was awesome. There was beer. And that fancy Natural Light seltzer. Oh, and DANGER PICKLES!!!! Nothing of note during circle, other than the hare not understanding the word “directional” but then dropping “edification” like it was a hot potato. On out YFFS.
The walkers had a 5 minute h*ad start that was immediately diminished by the sandy slip-n-slide hill right after the first harrow. Don’t lose and eye. It’s no fun. Walkers made it to the first check where we ran into a couple of archers playing 20 toes. #putitinyourmouth #whosaidhead #hegotsomeofthat The archers were as surprised by us as the walkers were to see their naughty bits. The best part? The walkers solved the check!!! Cuz sometimes we do things.
The hash followed the marks to the beer stop. PeeCOCK decided to “mark” trail along the way but got busted by a car back. Too bad she didn’t wait, the BS was near an outhouse. The BS parking lot had graffiti told us “Brian sucks ass” and left us a number for a good pickle fuck. #picklesinmynaughtybits
The rest of trail was in heavy shiggy, or so the walkers thought. They found a random sidewalk in the woods, but no other marks. Claim found an easy way out and the hash came back to on in, only to discover it was a BH, until the ranger locked the gate and our fearless hare had to retrieve the last beer stop and bring it back to circle. #fuckjohnnylaw #wecouldclimbthatgate #butwedidnot
Closing circle was fun. We drank. We sang. Just Ian showed us a body part... it was his asshole! (Potential naming: Spread it on Reddit AKA Do Not Enter). We said we were going to on afters and then danced to Lizzo in the parking lot for 30 minutes before anyone moved. #whymengreattiltheygottabegreat
Overall, it was another shitty trail.
BONUS: hash trash for on afters.
There was a dart league. The bartender was also the cook. We got Rick Rolled and COCKadile learned the importance of not leaving his phone unattended. Then there was a dance party and things got naughty. #thosewerenotmyballs #maybethoseweremyboobs #whoplayedpony #topsoffdanceoff #justiancantwerkOn On
Down to the River with Cockodile and Pinkie (NOMAD trail # 2987)
Circle up at 6:30, Hares away at 7.
Chain of Rocks Rd, Granite City, IL 62040
Cum down to the banks of the Mighty Missipp for a nice relaxing trail. Multiple beer stops. None of this Turkey/Eagle nonsense, this is just a trail (though there will be one walker option that is longer than the actual trail).
Pet friendly I think, and wheelers will get instruction at circle how to navigate to the beer stops.
Cranium lamps, shiggy socks, bug repellant are recommended. Also could get muddy so a change of shoes might be nice.
That's all she wrote, so grab your union card and wedding coat and cum celebrate the premature end of innocence.
- Cockodile Undee