Let’s Tarantino this bitch. It’s all fun and games until the cops show up. THEN IT’S A MOTHA FUCKIN PARTY!!!!!
(Buckle up wankers. I have no clue what I’m doing and I didn’t remember I volunteered for this mess until I got called into circle for showing a boob. I apologize for the fact that my boob wasn’t covered in glitter.)
Trail started like any other. We made a circle. Some muggle showed up to pet the pups, but then seemed taken aback by the fact that we were talking about blowjobs when she approached. We gave a shout out to our visitors! First Class and Mother May I from Memphis (who made the decision to cum to trail at 11am today), as well as UPMS and PBR from… IDK but they were at KC Campout so HORRAY! Our hares were Shitty Fuck and Vomit Comet. One of them was laying his virgin trail. Spoiler alert, no one shat or vomited on trial. Kind of disappointing, but let’s keep it moving.
There were lots of puppers on trial. What’s better than 4 dogs on trail? FIVE!!! Just Oscar thought it was the BEST TRAIL EVER!!!
Umm… after the blessing, the walkers and runners were on out. The Walker/Runner split happened pretty early, but not so soon that Just Oscar didn’t have time to cover himself in mud. The checks laid in chalk were very dainty. Remind me to show you a more efficient way to do that with chalk. IDK what the runners did. Mostly took off their shirts. No complaints about that here. #manboobs #showusyourmitties #mittiesmeansmantitties
The beer stop was at Suncorp, or some business with the word “sun” in it, but there was no sun. We were drinking in the dark, which is how I like it. The beverages were things that Shitty Fuck didn’t want in his fridge, so of course it was all shitty. I found a Truly that Just Oscar promptly knocked over. Sometimes he is an ass. Conversations were had, and at some point the hares left with the beers but then left the kennel without a trashcan. Thankfully the kennel ran past a dumpster as we were leaving the stop.
There was more hashing and a second walker/runner split. Shout out to Tri Harder for pointing that out to the walkers. Again, not sure what the runners did, but I heard complaints about a Naturday beer halt. #everydayisnaturday #theshirtsarelikedresses
We made it to closing circle. There was an insignificant run. Then there were not one, but TWO significant runs. The first was a 150th run for ??? At this point I was dealing with a rambunctious pupper, so I don’t remember who got the 150 bandana that has been in several naughty places. TAZED, who wasn’t even at opening circle but still managed to r*n trail and catch up to us, hit his 200th hash. The real MVP goes to TSA who ran to “Doll General” to get us hash snacks because what’s worse than drunk hashers? HANGRY HASHERS!!!
As we’re winding down and getting ready to head (who said head) to on afters, Maplewood’s finest appeared to shit on our fun. (Oh, there WAS shitting on trail) Luckily, the cops were too lazy to write everyone a summons and just politely asked us to move it along. I think he was just salty that he missed me flashing my boob. #fuckthepolice
All in all, it was just another shitty trail.
--|--|--|---> Humping Iron Traveling WhoreAbles H3
Shitty Fuck and Vomit Comet have a just over 4 mile Eagle and a slightly shorter Turkey trail. The trails will have minimal (but not 0) shiggy, minimial (but not 0) want for a cranium lamp and minimal (but not 0) skunked Bungle IPAs. A 2.25 mile, wheel friendly, walker trail will be getting laid. Water and Hater-ade will be thrown at all sober and parched hashers in great abundance and with reckless abandon.
Circle up: Marshalls Parking Lot at Deer Creek Park in Maplewood
3200F Laclede Station Rd, Maplewood, MO 63143
Google maps: https://goo.gl/maps/PJGrU7q9zFJmFFD46