Big Hump 1344
One score and sixteen years ago, Disco Ass completed his gestation and came screaming into this world. In celebration of this occasion, the birthday boy saw fit to lay trail through some delicious county shiggy.
Trail began in a parking lot in what the RFT has recently dubbed “St. Louis’s Most Obnoxiously Rich Suburb”: Town and Country. The suburb should also make the list of most unoriginally named towns in these United States, right after No Name, Colorado. The pack slowly trickled in from their individual pilgrimages to such a far out location (anything beyond 270 is basically the Moon) and circle commenced with GladHeAteHer presiding as religious advisor. Just Mike, who drove all the way from the flat land capitol of Springfield while riding in the left lane at five under the speed limit, as is tradition for flat landers, was called in to circle in hopes of finally naming him. Just Mike, who has been a Just for so long that he has a Just necklace, had previously been called into circle at Run 1335. However, due to a logistical miscommunication on part of the hare for run 1335, specifically the timing of circle duration in relation to on-after kitchen closing time, circle was terminated prior to the commencement of name suggestions. At some point before or after this, the hare was blessed and sent on his way, the pack was soon to follow.
Trail headed immediately west behind the plaza. There was some initial foreplay as the hare gently teased the pack by slowly rimming the shiggy, but eventually the trail would thrust deeply into the bush of Town and Country. The moist, steamy thicket eventually opened up into a long and smooth trail that gracefully meandered between the bourgeois enclaves of the uppity suburb. The trail eventually came to its first halt, a water feature. A delightful pool of water, overflowing with flora and fauna of all types, laid open to the pack below a soft, supple algae covered ramp. Several members of the pack slid down its slippery slope into the water. Mother Nature, however, undoubtedly foreseeing this scribe’s use of overtly erotic imagery, decided a little butt stuff was in order. A stone protrusion that lay hidden at the base of the ramp just below the water line greeted at least two hasher asses on the way down. Ouch. Trail continued on, eventually cutting through an apartment complex and finally to the beer stop in the back of a post office.
Following the beer stop, trail cut back through the apartment and briefly through shiggy into one of Town and Country’s many neighborhoods. The journey through nature and sensible apartment complexes had given way to a grotesque and gaudy display of wealth in the form of luxury cars and overpriced and sized housing. The hare laid a mark indicating that one house was on the market for $750,000! With 20% down, the mortgage payments would be $3,040 per month and total interest paid over a 30 year term would be $494,440.27. Trail eventually came out onto the outer rood running parallel to 64 and made its way back to circle.
Circle reconvened following the delightful trail. Postage was nominated for hashit for baiting Is It Inuit with an empty Yuengling can AND not bringing any Yuengling for circle, but ultimately GladHeAteHer won for stomping a beer. The hashit might have actually had shit in it for Gladdy was barely able to consume it, possibly due to the large amount of water melon juice infused vodka that was poured into the vessel. Following hashit, the naming ceremony for Just Mike convened. In the process, an entirely new form of voting was devised called The Cuckus in which the circle separated into groups supporting the names with vote by acclamation only being used to initially narrow the field. There were a lot of great suggestions for Just Mike, but ultimately the pack settled on Louis C-O-C-K. The pack swung low and moved to the On-After at Dave’s World Famous to eat 16 oz meat sandwiches.