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Wednesday 06/01/2016 #1332

$5 $5 $5 @ Old North St. Louis

Hash Trash:

Only the hardest of core half minds gathered in a non-descript parking lot deep in Old North St. Louis. Noticeably absent were the upper crust south/west county hashers who fear crossing city lines, especially creeping north of Delmar into the seedy crime ridden hoods of North City. Just Mike O knew no better and made the long journey from Springfield, IL. I, however, commended the true patriot hare, $5 $5 $5, for picking such an excellent location and keeping the hash locations diverse. Make hash locations great again, let’s bring that whole thing back.

Chalk talk was delivered in a most authoritative manner, and the pack was away after a short 5 minute cranium start. The hare made his first mistake of the night, by not clearly indicating which direction the pack should cranium out towards. As the pack frightened a small group of local kids, they stumbled across the first check, unwittingly and unknowingly bypassing the first relief point, which we later found out to be an ice cream stop and St. Louis’ treasure of the Northside, Crown Candy. More on that later.

The pack zig zagged through some of the North side’s picturesque streets and villages. Another group of kids dully noted “look at dem white people!” as we passed by an apartment complex. Up an old railroad berm led the pack to the first Home Brew Halt. The juices of $5 man-labor were imbibed, although I questioned his involvement in brewing, packaging and shipping a can of Budweiser. I suppose someone has to punch in numbers on a keyboard and run TPS reports to ensure a cold beer is delivered to Mr. Joe 6 Pack’s back patio in Lemay in early June. But I digress.

The pack was away again, passing through St. Louis’ little known Northside produce market, across some railroad tracks, through piles and piles of broken glass, everywhere! Encountering a check at the base of the ramp of the McKinley Bridge, the pack was faced with a conundrum for the ages. Search for trail that may not be there, or commit to a 1.5 mile one way run across the surging Mississippi into Venice, Il. Over the bridge it was decided, a long boring pavement pounding slog to Peepole patiently waiting on the other side. Beer transported across state lines was enjoyed by all, before crossing back over the bridge again under a Monet-esque North City sunset.

Upon instruction of the hare, a number of hashers retraced the previously untouched turkey trail to find the original Home Brew Halt, while the rest of the pack made their way back to A. $5 successfully pleaded with the Crown Candy staff post-closing time to transact a gallon of peach cream goodness for the pack. What was originally supposed to be enjoyed at the beginning of trail was ceremoniously devoured in the closing circle, with Is It In You Yet scarfing the quickly melting bottom of the bucket.

Greg Loose Anus conducted a terrific first-time-for-him circle; we look forward to many long years of RAing and hash hymn musical sheet printing and chorus conducting. The hash celebrated completion of the trail with no stabbings, shootings, unwanted sodomy or sexual harassment. Loose Anus was awarded hash shit for temporarily forgetting the name of our fertile yet stout hasher, Is It In You Yet. Announcements were made, circle was dismissed and the hashers adjourned to confront their inner night demons.

Yours in Gispert’s mouth,
Disco the Ass


Circle Location:
1307 Montgomery Street
St. Louis, MO 63106
Parking lot on north side of Montgomery Street between 13th and 14th.)

The details:
Apparently June 1 is Global Running Day, which sounds like something healthy, but I'll do my best to make running as unhealthy as possible for you. We'll meet up in Old North Saint Louis, the neighborhood immediately north of the Arch & Edward Jones Dome. Hashers who want to start their run off right will be given a chance to acquire tasty treats, so bring a little extra cash if that appeals to you. There will be an Eagle trail in the low 5-mile range, and I should be able to short-cut at least a mile off of that for the Turkeys. And of course, plenty of beer for all, to ensure no one gains much fitness value.

Things you might find on trail:
Ice cream & cakes, steelpans, panhandling, chess, famous r*nners, empty homes, empty domes, urban shiggy, urban decay porn, porn porn, homebrew, fresh produce, cyclists, bikers, brick rustlers.

Things to bring:
Whistles, virgins, pepper spray (optional), cash for treats

Shady Jack's Saloon
1432 N Broadway, 63102

Big Hump Hash House Harriers - St. Louis, Missouri - Established 1999