On a rainy Saturday afternoon a group of half minds gathered in park deep in South St. Louis. The rain
drizzled down upon them for 20 minutes before one of them, quite possibly our “lame duck” GM,
suggested we circle underneath the picnic shelter. The phrase “DUH” could be heard uttered from
those who had already soaked up the afternoon’s precipitation. The beer coolers were moved first and
the pack followed.
Once under the shelter and we were ready to start the circle except the hares were MIA. This evidently
made Ice Princess mad as she threw her perfectly good beer on the ground. OK maybe it slipped out of
her hand but waste of good Natty Light anyway. After a few more beers and telling of jokes, the hares,
Lock Nut and Donkey, arrived looking like wet dogs. Evidently their delay was Headlights fault. She
either forgot to pick them up at some undisclosed part of trail or she did so on purpose. You decide.
Now that all were gathered, Disco swiftly called for us to circle. Our guest from Colorado was
introduced and the hares gave us messy but informative chalk talk with some verbal warnings about
swimming on trail and homeless encampments. And what do you know, the hares still needed a 15 minute
Soon enough the pack was away. Since the scribe had the plague it was decided he’d drive the beer to
the Beer Stop. Thus the scribe has no idea how shitty the trail was. There was supposedly a shot stop
which most missed and a place where the pack could meet the indigenous people of the Mississippi
The beer did make it to some distant parking lot of some giant ass casino but this was not to be the Beer
Stop. Soon the hares emerged from the nearby woods, grabbed the cooler from the trunk and carried it
back into the woods. For the Beer Stop, the hares chose a spot overlooking the confluence of the River
des Peres and the Mighty Mississippi. To call this a scenic vista would be grossly overstating it nature.
The view was of rusted out barges and the ass end of the River des Sludge. However it was the best
vantage point to witness those who attempted the most epic of Eagle trails.
As the FRB’s approached a clearly marked “BN” on the far bank of the River des Poo, they quickly
realized the beer stop was only 100 yards away on the opposite bank. A swim was necessary unless you
wanted to run another ½ mile for beer. AH FUCK! shouted PastHer. Then he said something like “I’m
gonna do this”, followed by a splash and a scream. Very quickly he stated, “This is a BAD idea” and made
his way back to shore. However, the bank was steep and he wasn’t able to get out of the water. It was
Greg Loose Anus to the rescue. And for his efforts he was just inches from going in.
Soon the FRB’s were back on the Turkey trail with the other non-swimmers. By this time, Claim and
Disco had made it to crossing point of the River des Stink. Being seasoned hasher they made the
decision to tempt cholera and take the short cut across the river. All were relieved when they didn’t
drown and crawled up on shore. Beers were drank and a few slugs of whiskey were taken to kill the
germs. Beaver Chaser, Ovary Punch and Oh, She Has A Dick determined that Rolling Rock was skunked
and was OK to throw out.
After a while we made our way back to the comfort of our dry picnic shelter and circle commenced
quickly thereafter. Our guest from Colorado decided to show us her twin peaks instead of singing a song
or telling a joke. Pints of lager were given to Claim and Disco for forging the river and to Loose Anus for
saving PasteHer. Ice Princess and Fake Bake both got pretty, yellow Super Hare shirts for haring 25
times. Just Faith was called into circle and questioned in hopes we could find a suitable hash name for
her. It didn’t happen so Just Faith needs to try harder. Hash Shit was awarded to Ice Princess for
throwing her beer on the ground earlier and then avoiding to show he white panties when the RA did a
panty check. She and Fake Bake chugged an oil can of Fosters (Australian for Beer) because we had no
vessel for hash shit. Swing Low was sung then off we went to the on-after. All was good with the world.
200 Adelia Avenue, 63125
Are you disappointed in your liver? Has it done something deserving of punishment? No? Then, maybe you need to speed up time to expedite the arrival of Green Dress? After all, time spent unconscious from drinking "the proper amount" goes by in the blink of eye, amiright?
Whatever your motivations, help us help you make terrible decisions. Join us for another incredibly shitty, booze filled, Three Donkeys Inching Style King's Trail (formerly known as the Bean-Donkey Wiener-Style Trail. That's right mofo, you're being called out for bailing on this).
What to expect? Surprise Buttsex! Except, less of a surprise now that you've been told. Probably some bush, the not so good kind. This ain't a 70's porno. And most importantly, regret and disappointment - tons of it. Shouldn't be much different than your everyday life, except this regret and disappoint tastes like a combination of booze and bodily fluid instead of poor life choices. Cheers!
There will be a Turkey/Eagle and Walker trail. Runner's trail is not the friendliest for four legged friends. Shiggy socks would be a good idea. Maybe bring an umbrella or a poncho, if you're a pussy.
Feraro's Jersey Style Pizza
7704 Ivory Ave, 63111
Fuck the Cubs.