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Saturday 07/11/2015 #1262

Stink Palm & Eye Swallow @ ???

Hash Trash:

If A Hasher Falls In A Hole On A Two Person Trail, Does He Make A Sound?

This is the question that I would inevitably find out the answer to at this glorious, sweaty, airplane filled monstrosity of a trail that Stink Palm and Eye Swallow laid this past Saturday.  I tapped my beermeister roots and gathered all the needed supplies for a beautiful Saturday hash.  Beer, check.  Chips, check.  Water, check.  I then showed up at the closed swinger's bar Aftershock on Missouri Bottom Road and realized the error of my ways when the last needed check was few and far between, SaturdayHashers.  I rolled in with my supplies and was greeted by Stink Palm, Eye Swallow, Beaver Chaser, Norman Bates, and Lazy Ass.  TrainWreck would show up after me to bolster our number to 7.  We drank in the shade for about an hour just in case anyone else might wander into the circle, but then decided to just get it started.  Stink Palm and Eye Swallow proclaimed it to be a dead trail and with Norman pushing Lazy and Beaver having a sprained ankle, this left TrainWreck and myself to run this shitty trail.  

We took off North through a parking lot and into a giant shiggy filled field.  We followed the TP but then veered off course a little.  I then fell into a hole.  About waist deep but luckily pretty dry.  "Ah fuck!.  Ahh I'm in a hole!' to answer this story's title.  TrainWreck and I eventually found a Beer Halt at the end of the field and were each rewarded with a 16oz can of hard cider.  But when there are only two hashers running trail, a Beer Halt is a Beer Stop.  We found trail again and then fell victim to blowjobs on the tracks.  We smelled a Check Back later, but then were too stupid to scout where we thought it might head(who said head?).  We finally made it to the real Beer Stop and were chastised by the walkers and hares for taking so long.  Beers were consumed.

After the BS, we immediately fell upon a Turkey/Eagle split and played Rock Paper Scissors to choose our adventure.  Unfortunately I was Eagle and won.  We ran up a hill, brumbled through some midget shiggy, and then wandered down to the railroad tracks to where some dead body was apparently found a while back.  What a great place for our next Beer Halt(Beer Stop)!  We discussed the intricacies of gardening, where to best dump a body, and how all those planes landing were "crabbing" all while sipping on a cold Stag 2x4.  We found a metal cap off of a tanker car that was pretty cool so we decided to take it back with us.  TrainWreck also found a blue spray paint can but only realized that it didn't have a nozzle after shaking it and covering his legs with blue paint.  This is what happens when you have 3 beers stops on a 95 degree day.  Painted hashers with train parts.  

We finally made it back to circle and were again chastised by the walkers/hares for being slow.  Since we saundered in at the same time, it was the first time in my hashing career that I was the DFL and FRB to three beers stops and the end circle all in one hash.  Is that some kind of record?  TrainWreck may have done this before, but I'll take these small miracles any time I get them.

Circle,led by yours truly, was a mess.  We all drank and yelled at each other.  I called Beaver Chaser out for not singing, and after he informed me that he didn't know all the words, I told him that that has never stopped me a hash in my life!  TrainWreck gave him a song book and even with it, we all murdered You Can Tell By The Smell.  Hashshit nominations were given to the Hares for choosing a closed bar for the on-after, for the RA for falling in a hole, and for Beaver Chaser for soliciting the hares as they drove by and getting rejected.  Beaver won in a unanimous RA only vote and was given the choice of hash shit vessel:  Train Tanker Fuel Cap or Questionable HashShit in TrainWreck's trunk?  He chose fuel cap and there was much rejoicing.  The hares couldn't decide on an on-after location, so the pack dispersed to their Saturday nights and everyone was ok.  Well, except for probably Beaver Chaser.  Is he ok after drinking out of that fuel cap?  Probably he's fine

Faithfully submitted in the hole loving bond of hashing,
GladHeAteHer


Directions:

SWALLOW-PALM Productions presents another STINK-EYE Trail.  Follow Lindbergh up north, under the airport and through the wasteland.

Despite a perfect opportunity to go with a gambling theme, we already have an entire hash dedicated to the luck of the dice.*  So NO theme, NO dresses, just beer and a shitty trail.

Walkers/Wheelers/Wankers:
Sure.  The Walk/Wheel/Wank trail won't be marked but if you give one of the hares a sweet caress or gentle cup, they'll likely give up some details.

What to expect: BH(s), BS(s), maybe a Shot Stop, shiggy (the kind you wear socks for), pavement (the kind you drive on), grass (the kind you walk on), RR tracks (the kind giant locomotives drive on), heat (it's July in the Lou), heat-stroke (yay! extra opportunity to puke!), poop on trail (trail already christened while scouting), etc...

Circle Up:
Aftershock
11750 Missouri Bottom Rd
Hazelwood, MO 63042

https://goo.gl/maps/HWb0u

On After:
Aftershock
11750 Missouri Bottom Rd
Hazelwood, MO 63042

*For those that don't know, the Tumbling Dice Full Moon Hash meats the Friday following each full moon.  It is sometimes called the "All Men's, All Gay Hash" because it often turns into a sausage fest; however, ladies are welcome and trailer trash sluts are most encouraged to join.  Next TDFM will most likely be July 31st and it is a true Blue Moon Hash!

 


Big Hump Hash House Harriers - St. Louis, Missouri - Established 1999