Whiney Bitch had just finished telling me how everyone he knows
has gotten really old. Also, the sky is blue and water is wet. Circle had
started, but people were still trickling in. It seems the directions were a tad
confusing, since we never really left the parking to lot to circle up down the
block like we were supposed to. Whoops! As $5 $5 $5 was pulling in we heard
a "POP!" "HISSSSSSSSSSS." Uh-oh. Sure
enough, a hidden metal pipe in the ground went to war with his tire and won.
Luckily, 8 guys felt the need to help...or stand around and talk about how they
could do it better, same thing.
After promising that we
would get lost, the hares were away. 15 minutes later, so were we. I don't know
how ANYONE could have gotten lost when you have a check every two blocks. I
also don't know how anyone could stop to rest. It's 95 degrees out, cut us some
slack! The packed moved swiftly enough, except for some confusion near
Jefferson and Fardy. Goldicox and Alley Oops kept
going across the bridge, having only seen two dots and being told that all
false trails were marked false. Shits Bricks and Dewey Sexual
System followed. No blow job was found, until LockNut Monster and
Just John came to see what we were all up to. "They're
calling trail to the right." Ok, so we followed LockNut down
the ramp to run along 40. Yeah, that 40. The interstate. Fuck. (Also, that's
where the blowy was). We weren't technically on the interstate (not yet), but
holy shit we were close enough. Running along the construction, we quickly
realized that it ended soon and that our fellow hashers were crossing over via Ewing. Lucky us! Now, how to get up there? To our right was a hill and a
fence. To our left was certain dea...and there goes LockNut, right
across the traffic. A few of us waited for a break in traffic that never came,
so we trudged up the hill and maneuvered around the fence. I don't know what
the rest of the pack did, but it probably involved less peeing in their pants.
Beer Stop! I don't know if
anyone else noticed, but we were on really shitty property. Oh yeah, everyone
noticed and then we realized HoLateral Damage had some kind of
connection to it. Postage Tramp and Dusty Box were asked to
leave (quite nicely I might add) but no one knew if he was joking or serious.
I'm gonna go with serious. After the Beer Stop, a handleful of hashers found a
CB 6. Most turned around (or had seen the hares go the right way) which lead
you to the MetroLink stairs/elevator. Some just said fuck it and shortcutted
above to Grand.
Beer Halt! Shit, seriously?
8 warm PBR tallboys? Ugh. Ok, we love beer, right? Down they go
and away we go, back to Grand. I was following trail for a while, pretty
faithfully. And then the glorious fountain. I could write for years about this
fountain. Cold, wet, delicious fountain. It was hard to tell if hashers had
gone in before us, but How Do You Like My Headlights NOW!? and Dewey dove
right in. It was magical. Did I mention earlier that it was 95 degrees? It had
cooled down to 90 at this point. Sweet, sexy fountain. Ok, back to trail,
sorry. After the mmmmmm...fountain...mmmmmm, oh crap, sorry again. We followed
trail and eventually caught up with Help Me I'm Wet, Just For Men and Just
Just's Friend. We were obviously on trail, but no one was ahead of us.
Turns out they were traipsing through SLU and getting stuck behind fences and
inside dumpsters.
Finally, circle. PeePole sat
the entire time and Postage Tramp didn't yell at him. I guess age
trumps...whatever Postage is. Ultimate backslider Stitch Bitch was
called in as well as the hares, Holy Thunder Down Under and Fist in
Her Furry Ass. I'm not really sure, I just love when people yell out
"When one Asian drinks...all Asians drink." Fisty hates it,
it's hilarious.
Someone got hashshit. I
think it was Pillow Fucker and his lady friend for not finishing sex on
trail. Numb Buns lost her purse. 8 of us went to the on-after and
ate deep fried bacon and reuben eggrolls. And someone maybe had sexy time with
a certain fountain later on. Who knows?
SHITTY TRAIL!
On-On!
--
Dewey S. System