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Wednesday 04/18/2012 #1011

Shits Jemima, Eh? & Locknut Monster @ Crestwood

Hash Trash:

On the land where once stood the “66 Drive In Theater” and KSHE Radio, now stands a doomed Best Buy store, a nearly abandoned Gordman’s store and a Schnuck’s. Ahh,  fucking progress at its best.   At least Schnuck’s appeared to be busy.  It’s a recession and people still gotta eat.   It was here The Big Hump H3 assembled to make a spectacle of Run 1011.

As usual, our fine assembly of misfits, ne’er-do-wells and hooligans showed up promptly “on time”.  And by “on time”, I mean sometime before the pack left.  Our Hares for the evening, Shits Jemima, Eh? & Locknut Monster, did a good job of picking place to meet.  Lots of parking, a big place to circle up and no nearby residence to piss off.  Hell, we even had “The Friendliest Store In Town” nearby in case we ran out of beer at circle. Again!  

Sometime before dark, Postage called out to “Circle-Up”. The Virgins were introduced to the masses and the Hares commenced with their chalk talk instructions. The Hares received their blessing from our esteemed Religious Advisor and “grope shot” was taken. We all squinted into the setting sun while Whiney took his damn time taking 50 or 60 pictures of us.  

At some point the Hares went away and we sang songs, talked out of turn, drank beer and enjoyed the fine weather.  Genital Tort snuck off to get some shopping done in the lingerie department at Gordman’s. He said, “he said he was going to use the bathroom”.  Yeah, right.

It wasn’t long before the pack was away and we were following dots behind strip malls, around apartment buildings and shiggy cut troughs into residential neighborhoods.  One neighbor brought out his kids who screamed with delight as 40 hashers paraded through their backyard.  Their father even took pictures for the family album.   At least I think those were screams of delight and the pictures were for personal use and not evidence in a court of law.

The pack soon came to the walkers trail split which everybody ignored with the exception of PMS, Garage a Trois, and Hummers who felt like walking.  They soon change their mind when it was discovered it crossed a creek and went into a dark and scary forest.  So it was on-on for a few miles of pavement pounding before we reached the first beer stop.  And a fine beer stop it was, nestled in a clearing surround by shabby ass trees, rotting grass and infested with bats and mosquitos. BJ and Bear admitted he doesn’t like bats and may have been trembling just bit. 

If trail hadn’t been shitty enough already, it got even more so after the beer stop. I’m thinking a case of toilet paper was used by our Hares laying trail through the underbrush of White Cliff Park.  The pack fell apart, split into small groups and fractured again. Did we lose anybody?  Maybe? Who the hell cares at this point? 

From what I hear the 2nd beer stop had beer and the shiggy creek walk back was an adventure.  Purdy Mouth, PMS, Hummers and few others missed the 2nd beer stop.  We unknowingly stumbled upon the previously mentioned walkers trail and followed it to the split. Only then was it discovered we were on the walkers trail. DOH!  Damn It! Oh well, it was back to circle where we attempted to eat all the chips and drink all the beer before the other hashers came back.

Once the pack was back we circled up quickly so we could sing more songs, drink more beer and have Locknut countdown the minutes to when the on-after bar’s kitchen would close.  We also celebrated significant runs by Just Kelly and Just Cynthia. Both with 10 a piece. Hoover Daaam! nearly raped Just Kelly’s cranium band and did a good job of making him smell and taste his newly anointed prize. 

We also heard a few jokes from our virgins.  Both women spoke English as a second language and told their jokes in richly accented voice.  It was good!  Where the hell was Ho-Lateral Damage when you need him?    Speaking of accents, Whack On Whack Off was called into circle to help sing Swing Whoa (Low) and we were off to the on-after at Malone’s.

And yes, we had a naming at the on-after.  Just Cynthia, fresh off her 10th run with The Big-Hump H3, will forever be known in the hashing world as “Hardly Ever Cums”.  Congratulations!!!


Wear Your Crainium Band Hash-(with a cranium light)
Vuoi la birra?  Plusieurs arrêts de la bière
As we got lost scouting this trail- so shall you on this SHIGGYLISTIC/GROUND POUNDING/DOG PADDLING trail!
Shits Jemima, Eh? - was biting her fingernails- scared as we had no cranium lights trying to navigate the mighty river of the Mississippi �only using the stars above as a reference.
Her Garmin registered a short trail- but you know how that goes from a virgin hare, no but really we both just ran a half marathon and both have relay races this weekend- so expect the shortest trail I�ve ever had the pleasure of co- haring *(hers too)
Please find your way to the following coordinates  of: 38°33'21"N 90°22'37"W with your cranium lights
9490 Watson Road  Crestwood, MO 63126  with a cranium light
For those who only do the city hashes- this is one not to miss!


Start: 9490 Watson Rd., Crestwood, MO 63126


From North: Take 270S to 44E, get off at the Watson Rd. exit.  Take Watson all the way down by the Best Buy, enter that parking lot.  Look for hashers.

From City: Take 44 to Elm, make a left onto Elm, and then a right onto Watson. Go until the BB and make a left into that parking lot.  Look for hashers. 

From West: Get to 44E, exit on Watson.  Take Watson to the BB, enter that parking lot.  Look for hashers.

From East: Take 40/64 into Missouri, take 55S to 44W, exit on Elm. Make a left on Elm, take that to Watson, make a right.  Make a left into the BB parking lot, look for hashers. 

Map Link:

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8742 Watson Road, St. Louis, MO
LockNut Monster

Big Hump Hash House Harriers - St. Louis, Missouri - Established 1999