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Saturday 04/14/2012 #1010

Claim to Flame & Army of Dark Whores @ Soulard

Hash Trash:

Big Hump H3 Run Number 1010, April 14, 2012, Hash Trash

Starting at Lyon Park (across from A-B at 2nd and Utah)

Hares:  Army of Dark Whores & Claim to Fame

Hash Trash:  Apparently, the sorry ass hashers attending this event couldn’t get tickets to the Blues hockey game, the Cardinals baseball game, the 100 year anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic commemorative $500 a plate dinner at the FOX, get an invitation to attend the NRA gun show, or were not signed up to r*n in the Go St. Louis Marathon on Sunday. 

Or, were these half minds simply impressed that the esteemed Religious Advisor, PMS, turned the early evening into a pleasant sunny one after on and off showers all day?  Obviously, it was the lure of the debauchery promised by the Hares, Army and Claim, that brought out this elite group of hashers…

PMS opened circle by inviting in our two virgins, Just Leila and Just James, for introductions and for a chalk talk briefing by the Hares, Army and Claim.  Army and Claim took over the circle and introduced the “chaos theory” of a properly set “dead” hash trail.  No flower was to be set (heresy, I say!).  All markings are in blue, pink and grey chalk (total heresy!!).  Further, the hares introduced the alpha system of markings.  The entire trail is set in letters of the alphabet, with the letter pointing the direction of trail.  To add a level of difficulty to the “chaos theory”, each intersection is an open check.  A beer stop would be signified by placing a circle around a letter.  There will be two beer stops! 

In response to the undertones of displeasure expressed by the pack trying to remember their A,B,C’s from grade school days, the hares promised that the markings would be self explanatory once we got on trail, plus they promised to sweep trail.  With much trepidation, PMS blessed the hares and then sent the pack off in search of the alpha markings. 

The pack found the letter “A” on the sidewalk along 2nd street  pointing toward Utah.  The next letter was found at Utah and Broadway.  The pack was off (mostly walking) on trail continuing up Utah and crossing the bridge over I-55.  Trail went left at the first street past the bridge (Demenil Place) and continued to Cherokee Street.  Trail turned right and continued on Cherokee to the intersection of Lemp, where the letter “L” was found inside a circle that was appropriately in front of O’Malley’s Irish Pub.  After leaving the beer stop, trail continued right along Lemp.  The hares toyed with the pack by placing a hop scotch game on the sidewalk to challenge the less than sober hashers.  Trail then continued along Lemp, turning left onto Utah.  After passing the letter “R” on Utah, trail turned right onto Missouri and continued to the intersection at Wyoming Street.  Crossing Wyoming, trail continued along a sidewalk across Benton Park and connected on the other side of the park at McNair Avenue.  Somewhere along this stretch we came across the letter “Z” and the alphabet started over again.  Trail then continued along McNair to the intersection with Sidney (sorry, forgot to mention Ernesto’s Wine bar at McNair and Lynch).  Trail crossed over Sidney and continued along the side yard of Claim’s apartment.  The second beer stop was in Claim’s back yard and next to the alley.  Here, Army whipped up several rounds of Irish Bombs in Claim’s kitchen and then served them with his famous shit eatin’ grin.  Leaving the beer stop, trail turned right and continued down the alley.  Trail turned right after passing St. Agnes Church (now an apartment conversion) crossing over a private lawn to the sidewalk on Sidney.  The letter “U” turned the pack left at Sidney.  Trail continued down Sidney passing Niche and crossing the bridge over I-55 and then continuing to the letter “X” at 13th street.  Here trail turned right and continued along 13th passing Aboussie Park.  At the letter “Z”, trail crossed the street and continued along 13th Street passing the A-B Visitor’s Center (letter “B”) and then continued to Arsenal (letter “D”).  Trail continued left on Arsenal to Broadway (letter “H”) and then continued on home to Lyon Park across the street.  Total trail is approximately 3 miles in length, or about 2.5 times the letters in the alphabet.

“G” would be very proud of the hares and their unique and creative marking system.

PMS reconvened the circle and the pack honored the hares for setting the shittiest trail ever in the annals of the Big Hump Hash.   There were many accusations of stupidity on trail, as is customary.  Of particular note is winning the honor of Hash Shit by Garage a Trois.  Apparently, Garage caused a certain driver in a car at McNair and Lynch Street to stop, roll down his window, and stick his head out the window to watch Garage cross the street.   Oh, the wiggle of her ass would make a dead man cum and the….  Yes, she done did the BHH3 harrierettes proud!

Postage Tramp ended circle with an animated “long” version of Swing Low.  Imagine the Tramp actually pulling this off without the assistance of WO-WO!  Please, pretty please, WO-WO don’t let that happen again!

The pack was then sent off in traditional fashion to the on-after at Riverbend Restaurant & Bar at 7th and Utah.

On-On,

Your ever faithful scribe, Norman Bates



Big Hump Hash House Harriers - St. Louis, Missouri - Established 1999