Wednesday 08/29/2007 #649
GladHeAteHer & Ricky's Crab Shack @ ???
GladHeAteHer & Ricky's Crab Shack
Wednesday August 29th 2007 #649
The hash descended on the Central West End in an attempt to help gay men determine which end is central and which is west…and then we snuck in the rear. The weather was delightfully sticky and wet. Although the thunder rolled at times, the RA’s blessed us with a lack of rain for our shitty trail….even though neither Postage Tramp or Meta Arsehole saw fit to join us. Bastards.
With many virgins in attendance, co-hares GladHeAteHer and Ricky’s Crab Shack gave detailed (read overly long) instructions on how to find trail…They omitted one small detail and had to be gently reminded what a true trail arrow looks like. But finally, we were off.
A virgin was put in charge of having sex with Lazy Ass on trail…as usual, he took his time catching up to the walkers. Can’t say I blame him…she was cute.
It was nice to be near so many hospitals in the event of an emergency…Hare, Ricky’s Crab Shack nearly spent his birthday there after trying to talk a little old lady in a wheelchair out of sex. She punched him so hard he ended up on his face…that’ll teach him to respect his elders.
Famous Anus decided he didn’t want to go in any hospital that may have crabs so he just used technology on trail to cry and whine he hurt his little ankle and needed to know where the beer stop was. So we sent Lazy Ass’s wheelchair since Lazy was in the alley with the virgin….
The beer stop was inspiring…there was some European wine that tasted like Boone’s Farm and lovely varieties of beer. Oh yeah…some backslider named Chesticles was trying to raise money with kisses. Don’t know how much she earned, but it wasn’t enough. Cliff planted one on her, and tried to suck her lip ring out. Then, who was that anyway? went south and was lucky Chesticles didn’t knee him in the face. Always the salesgirl, she deadpanned, “That was at least $5 worth.” But then the beautiful harriettes saved the day and did a three way tongue kiss. Once we scraped the hounds off the pavement we tortured her further by Allouette-ing her. She would have been embarrassed if we didn’t ply her with more European wine. Then, we were off again.
The walker’s trail was fabulous, and I hear the eagle’s trail was painful…let that be a lesson to us all. Pain is good.
Speaking of pain….Hey Ricky, some little old lady just called. She has your tennis ball and will give it back if you want to buy a watch from her.
Circle commenced with GM, Cliff Bangher, leading the fray. There were some backsliders….whatever. And there were some birthdays….Ricky’s Crab Shack, Chesticles, Pornogenic, P***y Fart, Dead Squirrel, Gei Blade/Rainbow Huggy Bear, and about 20 other people. Must have been some cold Decembers….half the hash was in circle.
And boy oh boy did we have virgins. Oh, and three visitors that we abused properly. Just Mindy told a joke. Another Just (I’m sorry I don’t remember your name) told a joke. Just Bob told a train story or something…but we stopped listening when he wouldn’t do a train whistle impression. Just Beth took time from her liplock with Just Alvin and blessed us with a voluptuous body part…twice. S&M Man and Good Lay visited from Rochester , NY and did a few verses of the S&M Man. Rhatan? (sorry if that is wrong) the GM from Second City did something or other…we just liked his smile and couldn’t hear what he was saying since we really liked his smile.
We did try “Chings out, chings out for the queens!”, but when all the queens in the neighborhood came running with our calls, the hounds got a little nervous…we’ll have to try that again in a different neighborhood. (By the way, Whack On, Whack Off taught me the Japanese word for va-j-j…but I was too drunk to remember the next day…more on that another time.)
Among the significant runs, Just Mike and Just Heather turned 10 (awww), and Ms. Do My Butt turned 69 (YEA!).
Plot My G-Spot tried to convert all the boys in the gay bar on trail…it didn’t work, but she did get the Hashshit for it.
Just Jen earned her naming….the suggestions were inspired. Ones I can remember included: Jewel of the Bile, What can Brown do for you?, ceiling puker, love pooper…(not really…wish I had that list…they were great). What did we name her? Why, Do You Wanna Hit Dis? So she drank half a beer and wore the other half.
Word has it DMB, Hummers and HogTool played trivia at the on after and won a shiny new Cadillac…or a tennis ball in a watch box…something like that.
Pulls Rank gets the evening’s award though. She was showing people how the cowgirl position “should” be done via her cell phone. What a clever girl you are. I believe she should demonstrate in circle at the next hash. What do you think?
All in all it was just another shitty trail.
Respectfully submitted by your loving scribe,
Big Hump Hash House Harriers - St. Louis, Missouri - Established 1999