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Wednesday 07/31/2013 #1111

Disco Ass @ ???

Hash Trash:

This Wednesday we all met up in Maplewood to celebrate the birthday of a great hasher.  No, not Gispert.  What has that dead prick ever done for you?  I'm talking about Disco Ass.  He promised to take us on a birthday disaster hash and it was exactly that from start to finish. 

Yours truly, GladHeAteHer for those who don't like to wait until the end to find out who is writing this garbage, showed up early and got some shiggy socks at the Big K-Mart.  I meandered over to were I thought circle might be and saw Whiney Bitch chatting up hashers about the good ol' days and his complaints.  His early arrival was atypical, but his words felt like home.   I cracked open a 24oz Stag that I had gotten earlier to pre-lube and introduced myself to everyone again.  As hashers stumbled in on bikes, motorcycles, scooters, and big rigs, we began.   Disco Ass graced the circle and laid marks for all to take note of.  No Check Backs, No Two-Dotters, No TP, No Fun!  Hints were made about the infamous Death Bridge of Death, but no other clues were given.  Off he went with a 15 minute cranium start and Postage Tramp circled everyone back up.  Our lone virgin Just Lindsey came into circle and gave a rousing joke.  Backsliders and Late Cummers were pulled in and given the proper treatment.  Everyone got nice and lubed for the upcumming trail before the On-Out was called.

We circled around the Big K and found a chick check to greet us.  When no one flashed, it made me think why there isn't a dick check?  I'm sure harriettes would love to get to a check first and then eagerly wait for some nubile hasher to grace them with a flash of their teste sack, sweaty wangs, or hairy butts.  Maybe someone should start this?  Maybe not.  We ran down behind the strip mall and saw Stink Palm on the railroad tracks.  How the fuck did he get over there already?  Ah ha!  Through the rabbit hole in the fence.  I went through and found myself in the front of the pack(well, behind Stink Palm).  Another chick check and we found marks leading to the Death Bridge of Death.  Hashers swarmed it and steadily traversed the treacherous bridge.  I'll have to admit that I called On-On once on the bridge, even though I didn't see any marks.  Rookie mistake or sadistic intentions?  The world may never know.  Once we got to the other side, we realized that marks were no where to be found.  So everyone had to go back over the beast.  Easy for some without fear, harder for others on all fours.  As about half of the pack crossed the bridge, she gave us another surprise.  The DBoD was also home to a hornet's nest!  Shot By A Whore and $5, $5, $5 got a couple of stings, but it was Cum Goggles to took anywhere between 10-30 love nips(the number constantly changed along trail as well as the type of stinging insect).  "Fuck this shit!  I'm going home," could be heard from her mouth as she ran off back towards the start.

Back on trail, bloodied, stung, and thirsty hashers ran down tracks, through bushes, and into the River Des Peres basin.  Eagerly hoping the beer stop would be around the corner, hashers tried to keep their feet out of the river sewage.  One hasher was not so lucky and fell face first into the muck.  Do My Butt cleaned off her face and then could be heard yelling, "Fuck this shit!  I'm five months pregnant and I'm going home!"  What a trooper!  We rolled into the beer stop and quenched our thirsts.  Just Corbin was advised that Colt 45 had certain antiseptic properties and poured some on his bloodied knee.  A Fail Of Two Titties also got stung in the ass, but by a fence.  Colt 45 was poured there too.  Just when I thought I had seen it all, 59 Minutes Left, Wanna Talk?'s dog took a dump on his own leash.  So far I gave this trail a 9.5! 

After the beer stop, we saw the dots go up the hill.  Some creative hashers with a good sense of direction decided to take trail into their own hands and zen back to where they thought it might end up.  We were right!  We ran through streets, tried to explain to people walking their dogs what we were doing, and thankfully made it back to the start.  Awesome chips and chocolates were passed around and hashers shared war stories from the trail.  Postage Tramp circled everyone up and we all let Disco Ass know what we thought about his trail.  Not enough bees, too many meth labs, did you see that dog shit on his leash?  You know, the typical stuff.  Just about every down down you could think of came up, and even a few that you couldn't possibly imagine drinking for.  For example, hashers drank for wearing Orange, for changing clothes, for ever having ridden a motorcycle, and for peeing close to a car.

It was also decided mid-circle, that the hasher named just Ryan, who was leaving for Hawaii, should be named.  Naming a hasher with a questionnaire is difficult enough, but to do it 45-minutes into circle is a nearly impossible task.  We found out that he works for Monsanto as a Mechincal Engineer, he had sex in a lake, his nickname was Shaggy, and that if he had to choose one hasher from the circle to take home, it would be Penthouse VIP.  How Do You Like My Headlights Now took him behind the Big K and the names started flying out.  Some of the losers were Big K Blade, K-Mart Hand Job, Scooby Do Me, Tall White Boy, Seedless Rape, and the Rapes of Gash.  But ultimately through a complicated system of pairings and screaming that would make Purple Muffin' Stuffin's namings look scholarly, the name Genetically Modified Whoregasm was chosen!  I found out at the on after that $5 $5 $5, who suggested it, originally said Genetically Modified Whorganism.   Oh well, at least it's better than I Like Small Children(not really, that name was awesome).

Alley Oops got her 25 cranium band and Just Liliana got her 10.  We then started hashshit nominations right?  Wrong.  30 more minutes of down downs!!  Luckily we had the beer to back it up.  When we got around to it, most everyone was too wasted to remember trail, but luckily a few brain cells were left.  Fail Of Two Titties was nominated for being stung in the ass by a fence, Kibbles N Dicks and Shits Bricks were nominated for crawling on all fours over the Death Bridge of Hornets, and Disco Ass was nominated for setting an awesome fucking trail that Cum Goggles will never forget.  Disco Ass received the most support from circle and drank from the bed pan.  Postage Made the virgin swing low and thus concluded the 1111 Hash.  Let it forever be remembered as it is written.  Especially the part where Do My Butt fell in poop water.

Faithfully submitted in the bond of hashing,


Hash #1111 aka the Disco Birthday Disaster


Come for the amazing trail laid by birthday boy Disco the Ass. Stay for the subsequent stumbling, puking, and Dewey making Disco walk his drunk ass up the hill all the way home.

Classic Dogtown/Maplewood trail with the on after at Colombo's on Manchester Ave. Circle in the parking lot of the abandoned store front just west of K-Mart. When you enter the lot near Taco Bell, look for hashers to your right. 


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Big Hump Hash House Harriers - St. Louis, Missouri - Established 1999