Two-Cooler Trail: Run #299

12 March, 2003

Everybody grin ... it's warm out!

Here's to the hare... he's true something

Hashers loveydudder


How nice, a plunger with beer in it

Pour any remaining beer on your bald spot to encourage hair regrowth.

Sucking Udder is pretty hot, but not hot enough for Britney

Kiss him good, or I'll beat you with this Hashshit

Wednesday had a high temperature of nearly seventy degrees. Several backsliding hashers crawled out from under a rock to run in the balmy spring weather. We saw Whirly Weenie, Dicksmith, and Eat A Bloody Bitch with his flour-licking cohorts.

Whiney Bitch set a long A-A-B-A trail through downtown St. Charles. The pack got a lovely view of the river, woods, creeks, and parking garages. Meat Me in the Men's Room got cockleburs on his pee-pee. (He said it, not me.)

The first beer stop was about twenty feet from the on-out. Duzzy refilled the cooler and the pack emptied it again; it was a great day for drinking beer outside.

Dicksmith was the first to the second beer stop; he zenned straight there. By the time the pack completed its circuit to Beer Stop #2, he was bored with Blanchette Park and took off for the end. Poor Dicksmith, he showed up and still missed the whole hash.

For the last leg, seven lazy hashers crammed themselves into Duzzy's Alero to follow the beer back to the circle. Duzzy ran a medium-length circle. Everyone was in such good hash form, he had trouble finding excuses to make us drink. No one wore tighty whiteys, the whistle check was LOUD, and we all know better than to wear new boots.

The Hashshit got an extra refill because PMS didn't carry it on trail. Why did they make me help? I forget.

I nominated Pornogenic for the Hashshit for saying "There's a beer! Hide your cop." but I got the nomination so mixed up that they made me share the hashshit. I think they just liked seeing two chicks drinking out of a plunger together.

On-After was at Big A's Bar and Grill. The food was good, the beer was excellent, but the wall-to-wall twenty-something yuppies scared Dicksmith away. PMS and Postage Tramp discovered a nearly-deserted pool room (did they have sex there? rumors imply they did) and very bad pool was played by several. Between the Guiness, the Bass, and the good spirits of many tired Hashers, it was a great time. If you want to know more, ask someone who remembers the whole thing. ;)

New Song

If we keep on drinkin' and drinkin'
If we keep on sucking it down
If the beer bitch pours like a river
Till we start to stumble around
If you're losing control of your bladder
And you hope that soon we'll be through
If you think that it's time for the circle to end
There's only one thing you can do-oo

Drink it down, down, down...


  • Whirly Weenie
  • Eat A Bloody Bitch
  • Duzzy Cum
  • Whiney Bitch (hare)
  • Dicksmith
  • Just Jim
  • Pornogenic
  • Meat Me in the Men's Room
  • Pussy Fart
  • Iron Lung
  • Dancing Queen
  • Witty Titty Carrot Committee
  • Dick Smoker
  • PMS
  • Postage Tramp
  • Sucking Udder
  • Just Eck

Crime & Punishment

  • too numerous to count
  • too drunk to remember
  • having too much fun to care


  • Temperature: balmy
  • Trail: freakin' long
  • Beer: copious
  • Coolers emptied: 2
  • Beer stops: 2
  • Britney Spears look-alikes: 1
    • Sucking Udder shot down by Britney Spears look-alike: 1 (that we know of)
  • Lost cell phones: 1 (recovered, whew)
  • Mugs broken: 1
  • Pounds of flour on trail: 17
    • Slush arrow on trail (because 17 lbs was not enough)
    • Rock arrow on trail
    • Then Whiney found the chalk at the bottom of the bag

By Witty Titty Carrot Committee and Dancing Queen